Week 13: Catholic Taper

I must give credit to my training partner Thon for coining the above subject line. He’s right. I’m less than two weeks away from my Ironman 70.3 Race and I’m having a heck of a time beginning my taper. Self-Inflicted pain is sometimes much easier than slowing down and actually resting.

Carrie Enters Confessional

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It’s been an ungodly amount of years since I’ve been to confession. (pardon the pun, father) I had impure thoughts this morning about doing a brick workout. Satan appeared to me in the form of a wetsuit and Mizuno running shoes. I looked at the devil and, with all the might I could muster, turned around and walked away from him. I decided to make today a rest day. Is that ok, Father? Can my penance be a day off? Or, should my penance be a 4-Mile tempo run on Wednesday and a 14 Mile Mt. Bonnell run on Friday to make up for my guilty pleasure of rest. I’m not sure what’s right or wrong anymore, Father. I know I should enjoy my rest time, but I feel guilty.”

Help me, Father…

Priest Starts Laughing his Ass Off
“Young Lady, are you kidding? Most people come to me with real problems. Adultery, Thievery, Murder…You’re coming to me because you slept in until 6:30am?? Get out of here and come back when you have real issues. You’ve done your work. You’ve trained hard for the last 13 weeks to get to this point. Now go home, say a couple of rosaries and enjoy a day of relaxation.

“But Father…I do have horrible thoughts. I have thoughts of killing every Female aged 30-34 in my upcoming race.”

“Oh—in that case—you’re fine. I absolve you of any guilt. Knock ‘em Dead Kiddo. ”

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