Tri to Be Funny Public Service Announcement

yet another classic photo from Lubbock
In the midst of all of this racing and training, I made an appointment with a dermatologist a few weeks ago. While I went into her office for a little rash-action, I pointed out a couple of small little growths that I could feel, but not see, on the back of my neck. They felt like two new little moles forming, so needless to say I was a little concerned as my neck is exposed a lot from riding and running in the summer. 
She looked at them and immediately said they were nothing to be concerned about at all. In fact, she zapped them right off before I even had a chance to say, “Ouch that hurts, bitch!” Because I was there and already pretty much naked in my hospital gown, she decided to go ahead and give me the mole-check.  My brother had melanoma a few years back and fortunately they caught it early enough where no further treatment was necessary after surgery. He’s been preaching the dermatology appointments ever since. My running partner Amy had a sister who wasn’t so lucky last year. At 33 years old, she was diagnosed with melanoma in February and was gone by July.  It’s something I’ve selfishly never worried about. I have that Italian skin that never seems to burn so I definitely fall into the “It could never happen to me” category.
As she scanned my body from top to bottom and front to rear, she commented that everything looked good except for one suspicious looking mole–ON MY ASS!! Seriously, this is the one place that the sun NEVER sees! How could this even be possible?! She just nonchalantly said, “I’m going to numb it up, cut it out and have it biopsied. It doesn’t look horrible, but it may be pre-cancerous.”  
What??  Biopsy and pre-cancer in the same sentence?  Lady, I just came here to get some ointment for my rash and now you’re tasering my neck and cutting off a chunk of my ass. I’m calling a personal foul!

Well, she did just that. Before I knew it, she stuck a needle in my butt cheek and commenced to cutting another hole in my tush. (While you’re at it, can you cut out this layer of fat on my belly?!) I’m a real-life butthole, I thought!  Because she was so nonchalant about it, I wasn’t really worried and even joked about my “cancer butt.”  (Thank God my initials are already C.B.)
About three days later, I had a message on my machine. The biopsy came back and was benign…No further treatment was necessary. I couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when I heard the message. Just to make sure, I hit the “save” button and listened to the message a couple more times. No Butt Cancer. Hip Hop Hooray…
My moral of the story, especially for us athlete-types who are constantly outdoors, is to use a ton of sunscreen. Yes, even on your ass apparently. 
Now, if I could just get rid of that damn skin rash…

17 thoughts on “Tri to Be Funny Public Service Announcement

  1. skin cancer doesn’t just occur on parts of your body that see the sun unfortunately. you can get it on your butt, genitals, and soles of your feet among other places. most people don’t check those places, so you are lucky that your doc caught it.

  2. This is so not the public service announcement I need after my 3rd degree burn from IMSA. If I ignore it, it will go away. *puts fingers in her ears and hums*I carried a tube of sunscreen w/me on the 70.3 this sunday… no burn! yay!!

  3. Good reminder. We tend to think that because our outdoor pursuits are healthy that we are immune to everything. Not so! Even us “northerners” have to be sun smart, even though we only see it occasionally.

  4. Thank goodness it was not b.c. but you got it checked out anyway. I am probably the world’s worst about taking care of my skin, and this is really topical (haha) after I just got burned last weekend playing frisbee, of all things. Your dermatologist sounds like a good one. Can you post or email her contact info?

  5. good news you are B.C.and don’t have B.C.I seem to only use the ol’ sunscreen when I see it…I will start making it more visible. I’m guilty of taking for granted my highly pigmented skin.

  6. My husband has had several precancerous stuff removed but the ones in his hairline or other usually covered areas always surprised me the most. I’m sure sunscreen helps but it seems that Anonymous is right that it could occur any place and that the best thing is to check your body periodically or have someone do so for you. He has me do it to him but I’ve not had him do it to me. Perhaps time that we even things out some.

  7. I’ve told you time and again that you ought to stop hanging out at Hippie Hollow, and those long “clothing optional” bricks were just wrong. Hopefully, this possible ass cancer episode has scared you straight.

  8. Glad to hear your ass is A-OK!!!Just because I’m worried about sun exposure, I make sure to put a lot on sunscreen on my wang at least once a day. I glob some on, and rub it in a good 400 to 500 times…..

  9. scary mary carrie!!! Goodness! I am glad results were ok…funny thing I had a childhood friend that said if you farted you wouldn’t get butt cancer….i believed that for a good portion of my childhood!

  10. The butt feels great y’all!!! (Did I just type that actual sentence?!) I was going to post pictures, but even I couldn’t stoop that low. Plus, I would never want to usurp the “gross quotient” from Steve in a Speedo!

  11. I have a nice pretty hole in my back from a mole they didn’t like after they removed and they went back for more. It happened 6 weeks before IMAZ, so I had duct tape on my back each time I swam. Nice, right?My aunt died of melanoma, so I’m good about going to the dermatologist at least once a year to get checked, but I’m not always great about sunscreen. I’m pretty pasty white right now though, so I guess my fear of heat is keeping me out of the sun!

  12. great news on what potentially could have been bad stuff… glad to hear it…even though you lost a chunk of your butt in process..and ohh yeah…i almost spit out my coffee reading steves comment

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