Tri to Be…A Sexy Tri-Twerker

Can't.Throw.Away.

Can’t.Throw.Away.

How is it possible that I am still hanging on to my 2009 Hannah Montana crocs? Better yet- how is it possible that a 40-year-old woman would even have Hannah Montana crocs?? There is a story behind them, I swear, and it has nothing to with teen idol worship. Debbie Gibson already fills that role for me. 🙂

In May 2009, Hubster and I were signed up to do the infamous Wildflower Triathlon Festival in the middle of nowhere California. Before we headed to our campsite in the park (i.e. where we were parking our rented Grand Caravan minivan), we stopped at Walmart to pick up some camping gear. Camping gear in this case was a six-pack of bagels, bananas, peanut butter, water, a styrofoam cooler and sleeping bags so that we could actually cover up in the back of our tent (the aforementioned Grand Caravan). We’re shitty campers, by the way.  Of course, we also needed some public shower shoes, so we headed back to the shoe department at Walmart…and the heavens opened up…and the Hannah Montana crocs appeared like an angel. Of course, I bought them. I needed them.

And, five years later, I still have them. They occupy space in my garage and space on my feet when I take out the trash or walk to the mailbox. They were on my feet yesterday when I was outside washing my bike. Yep, this lil’ Dude was scrubbing her mountain bike with Hannah Montana crocs on her feet. I may or may not have seen my neighbors peeking out of their window with the look of, “What the F*ck is that dude wearing?!”

I’ve given away race medals. I’ve donated old race shirts and hats to charity. I pitch my race numbers and I even get rid of my old running shoes.  I’m not overly sentimental about “stuff,” but for some reason, I’m hanging on to these $5 shoes even though the character, Hannah Montana, doesn’t even exist anymore.

I’m hanging on, Miley. I’m hanging on…Someday you’ll quit sticking out your tongue, smoking weed on stage, and twerking with Robin Thicke. You’ll long for the simplicity of the past and you’ll try to resurrect sweet Hannah Montana with a reunion show, “Hannah Montana- 20 years later– It’s still a Party in the USA.”

And I’ll be right there at age 60…wearing my crocs.

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